White Christmas? Dream on
Staff reporter
'Sno joke: We're going to have a white Christmas. If we all pack up and move to Yellowknife, that is.
In Toronto, the odds we'll get a perfect day – with snow in the air and on the ground, as Environment Canada says – aren't much better than a snowball's chance in hell.
If we're prepared to settle for merely a white one, with at least 10 cm underfoot, chances are less than 50 per cent, says senior climatologist David Phillips.
More chilling news to blame on climate change.
"Winters aren't what they used to be. They've warmed up. Now we're more likely to get the liquid stuff than the solid stuff," Phillips says, adding not only is there less chance of walking in a winter wonderland on Dec. 25, but the depth to which you'll sink is half what it used to be.
Mother Nature's fickle ways dampened holiday spirits in memorable fashion back in 1979. A five-day downpour left Santa and his "raindeer" sloshing through nearly 100 mm of water on city streets. There was so much flooding, the jolly old elf had to trade in his black boots for hip waders.
It was the opposite scene in 1872 when Torontonians' dream of a white Christmas turned into a nightmare of bone-chilling proportions. Icy, gale-force winds blasted 58 cm of snow into massive drifts in what became the city's greatest two-day snowfall on record.
If that doesn't make you green with envy, cast your eyes north or east. For the past 30 years, Yellowknife, Thunder Bay, Iqaluit and Quebec City have been blessed with piles of snow for the holidays.
It's all about location, according to meteorologist Geoff Coulson. North of Highway 7, predictions of a white Christmas are much rosier, thanks to colder temperatures and the lake effect. But in downtown Toronto, it's a toss-up between rain and snow, Coulson explains.
Since the first storm of the season last month, you'd think the odds of wintry weather when we want it would be better. But you'd be wrong.
"It's definitely looking better than last year" when Dec. 25 was dry, green and 2C, Coulson offers. But temperatures for the next 12 days are expected to hover around zero, a little milder than normal. And that could make all the difference between white and wet.
For Phillips, it's about nostalgia. "A nice fresh snow cover is as much a part of Christmas as tinsel and toys," he says. Even those who hate snow the rest of the year warm up to the sight "on that magical day."
So if snow falls, "embrace it," Phillips advises. It's melting fast.
Canada really does like snow! For Christmas, at least. "If that doesn't make you green with envy, cast your eyes north or east. For the past 30 years, Yellowknife, Thunder Bay, Iqaluit and Quebec City have been blessed with piles of snow for the holidays." TV Rage! ok, now i've heard everything... Oh Canada, lack of your tv programs do not incite murderous rampages. Good for you!
I couldn't help but think that some countries might not want snow. Is this possible? I don't know. Alas, my city may also be deprived of snow :(
When I was in grade school, about 9 years ago, we had lots of snow in the winter! Well, ok, not lots compared to even 5 years before that... but we still had snow. What do the children do now???
We played in the snow, made awesome forts, snowmen (dasterly punks would sometimes go and destroy those afore mentioned snowmen and buildings... so people would roam the field at lunch and recess to protect the younger kids work - junior mounties! ahh, Fraser). This was all winter long! Not just for 2 or 3 months, with spotty periods because the rain melts it all.
We would have Winter Games! Joyeux Noël, Bonhomme Carnaval (Quebec winter carnaval) and all that. The older kids helping and organising it for the younger kids. Freezing cold out, lots of fun and SNOWY activitys. And then hot chocolate to warm us up afterwards. Ahhh... it was so good and hot because it was so so cold out!
I know, some cold and snow will come after winter - perhaps January or February, and last through March... but no white Christmas??? That's like Canada without hockey :(
Anyway, funny # 2: WatchingTV? Watch your back
WatchingTV? Watch your backTheStar.com - entertainment - Watching TV? Watch your back
There were always many good reasons to watch television alone. Now there's a great one: you won't get stabbed.
On Thursday, a 66-year-old Seattle woman was knifed in the abdomen as she watched TV with a neighbour. According to a story in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, the two "started arguing after the victim changed the channel to a religious program."
Weird. Weirder still: the dispute happened around 8:15 a.m., a time when television is overrun with cartoons, infomercials and staid morning shows. Who knew TV could trigger such antisocial aggression in the non-prime-time hours?
Maybe programs such as The Early Show should start running disclaimers: "Warning. Some viewers may find the following so spellbinding that changing the channel could result in a murderous fury."
As Seattle police spokesperson Renee Witt told the paper: "I don't know what they were originally watching. But it must have been something really good."
The attack occurred three days after an eerily similar incident in Phoenix, Ariz. Last Monday, a 13-year-old boy was seriously injured when he was stabbed (also in the abdomen) in a dispute (also over what to watch on television).
The attacker? His 12-year-old brother.
In September, meanwhile, The Times of India published a story about the stabbing death of a 24-year-old man in New Delhi. The victim was killed because the accused wanted to watch television at a party instead of listen to impromptu guitar playing.
"Now I am regretting the heinous crime I committed over a petty issue like watching TV," the accused told the paper.
Then there was last year's bizarre case in which a woman in Fremont, Ohio, fatally stabbed her 69-year-old father. She also attacked two children who, fortunately, managed to escape and call 911.
The motive? The woman wanted to watch football. But her father and a friend's 8-year-old girl were already watching the movie Seventeen Again.
I have stumbled upon many other cases of what might be termed "TVrage." From the emergency call Houston police received after a young couple literally came to blows over the remote control, to a Malaysian case in which an elder brother doused a sibling with kerosene and set him ablaze after the two argued about what to watch.
Across the planet, there have been beatings, stabbings and shootings stemming from TVrage. Except, that is, in Canada*.
(*Questionable statement based on limited research conducted yesterday morning after a long night of unrelated research into the effects of vodka.)
Why don't Canadians inflict physical harm on one another over a petty issue like watching TV? Do we have more perspective? Are we simply a kinder, gentler nation? Or could this national shortage of TVrage somehow be related to Canadian TV itself?
Think about it. Corner Gas (CTV, 8:30 tonight) has a loyal following. But even the most devoted Dog River groupie would not resort to homicide if he or she was suddenly deprived of Brent Butt.
Dragons' Den (CBC, 8 tonight) is airing its season finale. It's a great show, no question. But you know what? No Canadian would brandish an assault weapon if a friend or family member casually changed the channel to, say, Chuck (NBC, Citytv, 8 tonight).
As I sit here with throbbing temples – damn you, Grey Goose! – I'm starting to really appreciate Canadian television. I mean, just knowing that I can walk into any bar in this city to watch The National with Peter Mansbridge and leave without bleeding to death is profoundly comforting.
The industry should really use this in its marketing campaigns: "Watch Canadian TV and nobody gets hurt."
Interesting. And that's it for today!